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Created Jul 08, 2007 01:37PM PST • Edited Jul 08, 2007 01:37PM PST

1. Quality

2. Summary

   Very Good 3.5

   Amazingly, this is the first Rocky I’ve ever sat through, even though R1 came out when I was in high school. This is certainly a grand valedictory for Sly’s seminal character.

4. Acting

   Good 3.0

5. Male Stars Good 3.0

6. Female Stars Good 3.0

7. Female Costars Good 3.0

8. Male Costars Good 3.0

10. Film

    Very Good 3.5

11. Direction Very Good 3.5

12. Play Very Good 3.5

13. Music Very Good 3.5

14. Visuals Very Good 3.5
15. Content

16. Edge

    Tame 1.5

17. Sex Innocent 1.0

    Downright chaste.

18. Violence Fierce 2.0

    Rock ’em Sock ’em boxing, complete with occaisional bloody spit and painful exertions.

19. Rudeness Polite 1.5

    As gentle as the City of Brotherly Love’s dark side gets, a South Side fairy tale.

21. Reality

    Surreal 2.4

22. Circumstantial Surreal 3.0

    So a heavyweight champ who’s 33 and Oh is considered a bust? Sure. And I’m a Palooka. Antonio Tarver’s Mason ‘The Line’ Dixon was based on the fighting career of the early Mike Tyson, who wasn’t loved but was respected. Stallone, of necessity, turns this upside down in Balboa.

23. Biological Surreal 2.5

    Long one of the ultimate takes-a-licking and keeps-on-ticking movie heros, Rocky Balboa proves yet again he’s the toughest tomato can in filmdom.

24. Physical Glib 1.5

    Physics ain’t the problem.