ViewGuide

Created Jul 07, 2011 10:43PM PST • Edited May 14, 2012 12:29AM PST

1. Quality

2. Summary

   OK 2.5

   Cravenly exploitative and sporting a bad title, The Eagle mostly lays an egg. While it’s kinda worth watching for hard-bitten war movie guys, slumming history buffs should steer clear. As one of those stories that starts where the legend leaves off, the history is tripe. Fortunately the production values are great, notwithstanding the near comik violence.

   Is it better than Centurion, the other Lost 9th Legion exploit-a-thon? I suppose so, but both are just OK.

4. Acting

   Good 3.0

   Channing Tatum looks the handsome action star, complete with light-heavyweight physique and square-jaw fortitude. Savvy or self-awareness? Not so much.

   Jamie Bell, playing a British slave who turns on his own people following a cheesy incident in the gladiator’s ring, jumps through the forest but never jumps off the screen.

   Donald Sutherland slums portentously as a refined Roman muckymuck.

   Mark Strong sighting, here a lost Legionnaire awaiting orders.

5. Male Stars Good 3.0

6. Female Stars Good 3.0

   Evened out to not skew the scores. IOW, no girls.

7. Female Costars Good 3.0

8. Male Costars Good 3.0

10. Film

    Barely OK 2.0

    Great visuals are the bonus here. The direction, play and music kinda suck.

11. Direction Barely OK 2.0

12. Play Pretty Bad 1.5

13. Music Barely OK 2.0

14. Visuals Great 4.0

    The visuals of Roman-era Britain – especially the Legion and the barbarians from the North – are worth viewing.

15. Content

16. Edge

    Risqué 2.1

    Extensive bouts of violence, yet hardly any blood. Most of the sword work occurs off camera, conveyed through sound and fury, signifying voyeuristic crap.

17. Sex Innocent 1.0

18. Violence Brutal 3.5

19. Rudeness Salty 1.9

21. Reality

    Surreal 2.1

22. Circumstantial Surreal 2.8

23. Biological Surreal 2.1

24. Physical Glib 1.5