ViewGuide

Created May 26, 2012 09:02PM PST • Edited May 10, 2013 11:04PM PST

1. Quality

2. Summary

   Pretty Bad 1.5

   Woof. This Means War lacks charm, laughs and sexiness. How’s that last happen with the scrumptious Reese Witherspoon being fought over by Chris Pine and Tom Hardy? Leading men don’t get much hotter.

   Blame bad directing, worse writing and a general lack of chemistry between these normally stellar leads.

   Blame the swells in Hollywood for thinking this action-romance mashup would work.

   Blame a funny trailer that made the movie look way better than it is.

   There’s plenty of blame to go around — always is when first rate ingredients are wasted so spectacularly.

4. Acting

   Barely OK 2.0

   Reese, Chris and Tom, we love you. Just don’t let us down this badly again. Capiche?

   Chelsea Handler as a BFF second banana? Not a good choice.

5. Male Stars OK 2.5

6. Female Stars OK 2.5

7. Female Costars Bad 1.0

   Chelsea Handler’s awfulness obviates the good work done by several other actresses.

8. Male Costars Barely OK 2.0

10. Film

    Pretty Bad 1.5

    After seeing the trailer umpteen times earlier this year, the film itself earned precisely one laugh. Not good.

11. Direction Bad 1.0

12. Play Pretty Awful 0.5

13. Music OK 2.5

14. Visuals Very Good 3.5
15. Content

16. Edge

    Risqué 2.5

    Objectively titillating, yet emotionally inert. Fiercely violent, yet ridiculous. Profane, yet crass and unfunny.

17. Sex Titillating 2.4

18. Violence Fierce 2.5

19. Rudeness Profane 2.6

21. Reality

    Supernatural 3.2

    Supernatural action without copping to any supernatural powers?

    OK if you can pull it off with charm and laughs. Ridiculous if you can’t.

22. Circumstantial Surreal 3.0

23. Biological Supernatural 3.1

24. Physical Supernatural 3.4