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Created Jun 23, 2014 07:38PM PST • Edited Jun 27, 2015 01:08AM PST

1. Quality

2. Summary

   Very Good 3.5

   A Million Ways to Die in the West is highly recommended for Seth MacFarlane fans, of which I’m sadly one. Those capable of being offended should stay away. The F-bombs rain down thick and hard, as does the scatological humor and sexual bombast. Sound funny? Yes, step right up. Heavens no, keep on walking.

   It’s almost a time travel movie, with MacFarlane’s post-modern, über-ironic wiseass dropped into the middle of pre-pre-ironic 1880s Arizona. Characters who interact with him take on some level of post-modern detachment. Characters outside his orbit are decidedly un-ironic Old West archetypes.

   That makes it a well conceived fish-out-of-water comedy, even if MacFarlane’s execution leaves something to be desired. The comedy is mean, yet he doesn’t look mean, an irony not in his favor. Nor is he a deft physical comedian. OTOH, his movie is cheerfully scatological and eagerly sexual, with Charlize Theron & Sarah Silverman gleefully engaging in both. Not surprisingly, MacFarlane exploits them more for the latter, e.g., each gets to flaunt her boobs and have boobs worth flaunting. Think he’ll write a song about that?

   While not a triumph like Ted, A Million Ways to Die in the West kills in more ways than one.

4. Acting

   Really Great 4.5

   Seth MacFarlane looks like a grown choir boy, one with a knowing sense of adolescent humor: the man-child who knows too much. Yet his Old West everyman doesn’t rise to nearly the same level as his Ted did. Turns out he’s better voicing a teddybear than appearing live in a Western. Still, he is hilarious and brilliant, creating in MWDW a behind-the-camera triumph more than an acting one, even if he’s never less than competent as a comedic thespian.

   Costars

   • Charlize Theron got asked to play the Dream Girl, Old West variety. She plays it well, damn well.
   • Amanda Seyfried got asked to play the First Girl. She plays it well, even submitting to a MacFarlane joke about her big eyes. Trooper
   • Neil Patrick Harris is buffed up to the task of playing a prosperous mustache magnate about town.
   • Liam Neeson shows up strong as a murderous outlaw name of Clinch
   • Giovanni Ribisi is OK as MacFarlane’s buddy, even if he doesn’t necessarily add to the comedy.
   • Sarah Silverman sweetly takes all comers, with her boobs pushed up almost all the way to the cross around her neck.
   • Christopher Hagen misfires as MacFarlane’s kook of a Dad.
   • Wes Studi is totally solid as Chief Cochise
   • John Aylward as a preaching Pastor
   • Jay Patterson as a drunk Doctor
   • Dennis Haskins as a snake-bit Snake Oil Salesman

   Cameos

   • Christopher Lloyd is Doc Brown
   • Gilbert Gottfried is not Abraham Lincoln
   • Ewan McGregor probably never played a Cowboy before.
   • Ryan Reynolds gets glimpsed in a crowd scene.
   • Jamie Foxx appears in not one but two end-credits cameos. Stay to the bitter end for the final one.

5. Male Stars Really Great 4.5

6. Female Stars Really Great 4.5

7. Female Costars Great 4.0

8. Male Costars Great 4.0

10. Film

    Very Good 3.5

    A Million Ways to Die in the West is a Comedy Western, equally committed to both propositions. As to the latter, Seth MacFarlane robs the John Ford shot-book blind, helped immensely by a post-modern big budget, extensive use of Steadicam, advanced cameras and tons of FX. Three dozen stuntmen and even more Barn Dancers provide old time production values.

    Random Observations about Seth MacFarlane:

    • He’s got a Semitic first name and Scottish last name.
    • How high has he risen? He’s the first Seth in Wikipedia’s Seth list.

    Bottom Line

    Ted goes West. More accurately, Ted ends up in the Old West, a vehicle for MacFarlane’s slyly hilarious observational and put-down humor.

11. Direction Good 3.0

12. Play Great 4.0

13. Music Great 4.0

14. Visuals Really Great 4.5
15. Content

16. Edge

    Sordid 3.5

    Strongly sordid as a result of a steeply ascending Sex • Violence • Rudeness scores of 2.5 • 3.5 • 4.5.

    Bodily functions of all sorts are deeply mined for maximum comic effect.

    F-Bomb carpeted: Fuck is the most used verb and adjective; Shit, the most common noun and adverb.

17. Sex Titillating 2.5

18. Violence Brutal 3.5

19. Rudeness Nasty 4.5

21. Reality

    Surreal 3.0

    Seth MacFarlane had four assistants and a personal chef during the shoot. The character he created for himself talks like a guy with five people seeing to his every need, dropped back into the self-reliant 1880s. Such self-absorption juxtaposed with self-reliance highlights how we’ve changed as an American people, or at least how the self-absorbed smoothies who dominate the strip of America within 50 miles of a large body of water (plus greater Denver) think we’ve changed.

    That said, the rFactor is strongly surreal relative to normal reality.

22. Circumstantial Surreal 3.0

23. Biological Surreal 3.0

24. Physical Surreal 3.0