ViewGuide

Created Dec 24, 2007 04:40PM PST • Edited Jul 17, 2009 07:15AM PST

1. Quality

2. Summary

   Good 3.0

   Big bangs, high testosterone dialog, semi-witty asides in the face of calamitous situations, Armageddon includes the classic BBB elements. While not the best Bruckheimer-Bay Blockbuster, Armageddon is nonetheless reliable entertainment in the style of the modern Hollywood action movie.

4. Acting

   OK 2.5

   The starring performances range from bad (Liv Tyler and Ben Affleck) to good (Bruce Willis and Billy Bob Thornton). Of the former, Liv Tyler – neither especially gorgeous or interesting – and then hot-young-stud Ben Affleck fail to generate any romantic heat. Of the latter, we get a reliably charismatic performance from Bruce Willis, though certainly not one of his best, coupled with the always interesting Billy Bob Thornton, here as the top NASA muckty-muck.

   The supporting actors – notably Steve Buscemi, Michael Clarke Duncan, and a young Owen Wilson – provide much of the character interest, as they must in a large cast adventure yarn like this.

5. Male Stars Very Good 3.5

6. Female Stars Pretty Bad 1.5

7. Female Costars Pretty Bad 1.5

8. Male Costars Great 4.0

10. Film

    Very Good 3.5

    Nobody directs Jerry Bruckheimer explosion-fests like Michael Bay, and Armageddon is a classic of the breed. While the action sequences in Armageddon are classically semi-coherent, he delivers plenty of bang for the buck.

11. Direction Very Good 3.5

12. Play OK 2.5

13. Music Great 4.0

    Arrowsmith provides the excellent theme song, made even better by having Arrowsmith’s Steve Tyler sing it over scenes involving his daughter Liv Tyler’s character.

14. Visuals Great 4.0
15. Content

16. Edge

    Risqué 1.7

17. Sex Titillating 1.8

18. Violence Fierce 1.6

19. Rudeness Salty 1.6

21. Reality

    Surreal 2.8

    Where to start? Bruckheimer-Bay movies are conceived to make a mockery of reality. Action movies always feature mildly superhuman BioReality, but Armageddon distinguishes itself with wild CircoReality and PhysioReality, examples of which below.

22. Circumstantial Supernatural 3.2

    Two shuttles taking off simultaneously from launch pads so close they share an elevator for the astronauts? I don’t think so.

23. Biological Glib 2.0

24. Physical Supernatural 3.1

    The gravity on the asteroid was just right for the story: 1G, then well under 1G when Ben Affleck had to do an Evel Kneivel jump over a huge canyon. Convenient.