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moviedude's Review

Created Sep 19, 2010 08:45AM PST • Edited Sep 19, 2010 10:30AM PST

  1. Quality
  2. Barely OK 2.0

    This is a “could-have-been.” A “would-have-been.” A “should-have-been.” These terms are far from compliments. Yes, the story was a unique, emotional retelling of Bram Stoker’s classic horror story, but it was so disjointed, that you wouldn’t have noticed a difference if someone had flipped the scenes or played the movie backwards.

  3. Barely OK 2.0

    The acting in this film was just above atrocious. Keanu Reeves was both cast wrong and used wrong. Anthony Hopkins, one of the greatest actors of all time, was unintelligible throughout. So was Gary Oldman, who’s accent was so thick, that it sounded as if he was talking with a mouthful of saliva.

  4. Male Stars OK 2.5
  5. Female Stars OK 2.5
  6. Female Costars Barely OK 2.0
  7. Male Costars Pretty Bad 1.5

    Keanu Reeves and Anthony Hopkins just shouldn’t have even been there.

  8. Barely OK 2.0

    A film that had potential, but was dragged down by the laughable editing. The sequence of events was…there was no sequence of events! It was all jumbled.

  9. Direction Bad 1.0
  10. Play OK 2.5
  11. Music Very Good 3.5
  12. Visuals Pretty Bad 1.5
  13. Content
  14. Sordid 2.8

    A sexually suggestive film that includes sex with various supernatural entities. Obviously, blood is consumed.

  15. Sex Erotic 3.5
  16. Violence Brutal 3.5
  17. Rudeness Polite 1.5
  18. Fantasy 5.0

    Everything in this film is completely fantasy.

  19. Circumstantial Fantasy 5.0
  20. Biological Fantasy 5.0
  21. Physical Fantasy 5.0

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Sep 19, 2010 9:00AM
Wick

Regarding moviedude’s Review
Good call, Dude. I remember seeing this back in the day because it was a Francis Ford Coppola movie. And then being hugely disappointed. Your review brings back why.